What a rough day...Excited about the future but feeling super challenged by today.

Facing My NUMBERS

WOW!!!

So this morning I got up enthusiastic about the days and weeks to come and so I jumped on the scale and that feeling quickly dissapeared. After the holidays I have put on 5 pounds which put me at a weight that I haven't been in a long time. Instead of sinking in that feeling for the first time I decided to not let that number scare me or control me. What an empowering feeling to know that I don't need to stay there. I am capable of change, Good health is one of my goals for 2010 and so is allowing God to transform my mind at a deeper level. This means giving up old habits that have bound me and stepping in to newness. This means leaving behind every thought of "I can't" behind and replacing it with "I can" This means forgiving myself for getting here and moving onward, stepping into this wonderful God given body and loving it because I was created in love with love. Knowing that God knew me before I was formed in my mother's womb. Being transformed by that thought and knowing that I am deeply loved by my creator and that my worth is so much more than that number on that scale. So the many times I've failed before were just lessons on my journey that brought me here... So I got off the scale and got my butt in the gym!!

Bring it on...for once I'm not scared!

Weight...

So 16 weeks of transformation turned into me giving up in the second week. I'm told that the improtant part is not giving up and failing only happens when you stop trying...so here I am. I am on a journey trying to figure out what has kept me overweight nearly my whole life. Today I had an intersting conversation with an awesome woman who has crossed my path. I am realizing so much about myself, as a woman with feelings and emotions. I realized today how much junk I have held on to. Why have I held on? In some way I think it comforts me. To face my struggles or to even allow God into that scares me. Not because I don't think that God can't heal me or bring restoration in this area of my life but because I know I will be challenged to change and change hurts sometimes.

My whole life I have defined myself by the scale and have always fallen short. Today I realized that there is so much more to me than my weight. I always knew that but today I heard it with my heart. I am loved deeply by my Fiancee for who I am. My friends and family love me for who I am. I am creative and loving. I am a leader and encourager. I am incredibly sensitive and love to see others encounter an authentic relationship with their creator. I am loyal and hardworking, I am a child of God...loved deeply by him and set free! I am more than this weight I have been carrying...or has it been carrying me?

16 Week Transformation

Well, it's been quite a while since I've written so in my attempt to brush up my rusty writing skills please be patient. Lot's has gone on in nearly 2 yrs. yes! it's been that long since I've written!!! I can't believe how fast time fly's some of which I'm grateful for but often moments gone to fast.

Nearly a year ago I met the love of my life...Literally! I realize that almost everyone says that when they meet someone they are in love with but I really feel as though God has blessed me with a wonderful partner...everything my heart has desired in a partner and more. David and I met last year unexpectedly. I had just come out of another disappointing relationship where expectations were high and what really transpired was less than enough to send anyone into insanity. When presented with the idea of meeting David, as you can imagine I was less than thrilled. Somehow God knew, right when I was ready to throw in the towel to dating and possibly one day marriage...along came David. With everything against him, slowly but surly he began to gently draw me in. His love and his kind of love was like none before him. He was gentle and kind. Funny and very able to laugh at himself, A person of his word and most of all who he claimed to be he was. Naturally I fell in love. He genuinely loved God in a real non weird way! He showed me his love daily and did not let a moment go by without letting me know how incredibly special i was to him. It worked! After dating over the phone for 5 months David came here to live last January and proposed in May! We are getting Married September 4,2010.

All that said...

I have embarked on a 16 week transformation program. My first objective is to be healthy. I would like to loose 35 pounds by the end of this journey. I have met a wonderful inspiring woman who has already been on this journey and has inspired me to want better for my health. I would like to look fabulous on my wedding day. This is week one and I am feeling challenged by the meals. I have to make sure i wake up early and give myself enough time in advance to eat a proper breakfast and prepare decent snacks and a healthy lunch to get me going through the day. My exercise routine I hope to train at least 3 times a week. If I can manage 2 pounds a week I will keep on track. I often get overwhelmed with doing this at this time. I'm planning a wedding an engagement and trying to balance work, health, church and commitments can be overwhelming. I want so much to do this so I figured this is a great way to keep accountable. I will write throughout my following weeks from week to week. I try not to get upset or discouraged in the fact that I've gained 15 pounds in the last year. As David often encourages me to keep trying even when I fail. This is what counts...I want to be Healthy, for me, for David....for my Family. I know I have always struggled with food and exercise and my bet is I will most likely always struggle but I will persevere to know that this will not Master me. God is with me...Even in this.

Challenge on!!!

Unbelievable!!

Thank you Lord for meeting my need...it's less about the need but more of what you show me when I trust you completely with no reservation. Thank you!

Love Montreal

Yesterday, a few people from The WestSide Gathering & Renaissance Church teamed up on an event called "LOVE MONTREAL" Simply put we teamed up to LOVE MONTREAL and share the love of Jesus through random acts of Kindness. A few great interactions and connections with our surrounding community as people tried to figure out WHY? A great day helped communicate love...free and authentic to our surrounding community. In the culture we live in nothing is free or promoted "FREE" without a catch. Most people I encountered yesterday and chatted with wondered why we would not accept donations, some were sceptical and some had a hard time embracing why we would bother. As our guests who came to have their cars washed, grabbed a hot dog and lingered around to chat with some of us I wondered myself "why?" I was reminded of Jesus and what he spoke about in the scriptures and took his life as an example; Everything he did was motivated by love, love for others! His whole life mission from birth to death to Resurrection was motivated by love. He spoke about love so often in the scriptures,what we should look like when we have it and the void in the absence of love. But how can we love if we don't know what love is. Most of us attribute it to a feeling or a state...sometimes feeling more of it that other times. But the Jesus that spoke love was love...his presence, his mannerisms, his life overflowed with love. Yesterday, I learned a little more about Jesus and myself as I practiced loving others without boundaries or return. My prayer is that my community comes into this love. A love that calls us to come as we are to experience restoration and wholeness...for everyone we encountered yesterday I pray that Jesus met you somewhere, somehow and that someday you would respond to his LOVE

I leave my friend in your hands Lord...Lord have your way.
I leave my hearts anxiousness about my current interests in your hands.

In your name

Thanks God for showing me that you are always faithful...
You have showed me through trust in you my life is continually transformed.
Thank you for allowing me to trust in myself...Thank you for allowing me to fail...Thank you for loving me despite those things and showing me that trust in you is Freedom.
Thank you for this last year and a half...because through it all I am able to love you deeper and experience your grace.

Thanks God

5:00 AM

So it's 5:15 am and I am wide awake. My body feels tired yet my mind doesn't seem to follow. So after some tossing and turning I've come to terms with the fact that I won't be getting anymore shut eye tonight. My thoughts are filled with concern for a Friend that is going through a hard time right now. I run back and forth in my mind searching for a way that I can help but have resolved that this is a path that he must walk and unfortunately there is not much I can do in my limited abilities that will make things better. I feel so deeply this burden for my friend yet have to trust that Christ is walking with him through this valley. Praying for him...

There is something really unique about being up at this time. I'm not really a morning person...my friends and family can attest to that! Everything seems new this morning as the sun is about to rise and people everywhere will be getting up to encounter another day. Some will face this new day with a smile and others with heavy burdens. Everything is so quiet around this time...the whole world seems still and I am reminded that God holds the whole world in his together. Sometime it's hard for me to get quiet so I am tired this morning but thankful that I am able to experience quietness before God...before I start my day.

Stay Tuned...

For those of you who have taken notice that I haven't blogged in a while...well you're right!!
It's been a while and Lot's has gone on. Surgery went well and I have recovered remarkably better than I thought. I' m working on a few posts that involve the latest escapades of my walk. Getting back into a normal routine...so stay tuned. I'm feeling really great....Thank God